moi, the writer

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We all have stories we will never tell. These are the ones i will
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you make me smile

Today was fun !
i met Amar today because he wanted me to join something. the whole time i was with him, i was literally laughing my ass off. i mean, seriously laughing until i kind of snorted haha. and you know what? it felt soooo good ! one of the things that couldn't make me stop laughing was when he said

amar : lagi 3 hari
me : 3 hari untuk apa
amar : entah. hari apa ntah lg 3 hari
me : eh. apa dia ?
amar : tak tahu ke? takpelah
mira : apa dia?
amar : betul tak tahu?
(i was thinking hard, then suddenly it got me)
me : hahahaha. amar, birthday kita 20 may lah. bukan april
amar : eh. sekarang bukan may ke?
me : hahahahahahaha. confident pulak tu '3 hari 3 hari' haha
amar : dah lah tu gelak. buat buat ama tak tanya soalan tu

**i couldn't stop laughing, seeing his embarrassed face

i haven't laughed that much for a terribly long long period of time. it felt like the hugest weight was lifted off my shoulders, ya know? i guess it's true about what people say. Laughter is the best medicine. i just wish he was around more often. it's been a long time since we last met and i kind of miss talking and laughing like that everyday we meet. i wish he lived next door to me. hes like a brother from a different mother.

so anyways, we did alot of catching up. and one thing we talked alot abt was how i was doing. how he was disappointed that i haven't moved on. that he said its ridiculous that it's been over a year and i'm still hanging on to L. he gave me opinions from a guys perspective, he made me stop and think. he opened my eyes. lately, the only person i talk about L is with emira nabila (wouldn't know what i'd do without her) and my blog. mind me, i'm not trying to tell the world. i don't even tell people to read my posts. it's just that i like expressing here. it's kind of a relief, ya know?

amar made me realize that moving on is worth it, and gave me a whole lot of reasons why. amar said that sometimes a guy may take advantage on the weakest person he knows. and that weak person is me. the fact that he knows that i'll always be there for him when he gets lonely, just because he knows that i still really care for him. that made me take a step back and think about what a foolish thing i'm doing right now.

over all the things i wanna be, i don't wanna be his second fuckin choice.
sorry for the swearing. i only swear on writings, when i'm really upset. i don't swear at people in reality.

i know me and my heart has had issues. some days i feel like i never wanna talk to him, then somedays i feel like i want him to be my shoulder to lean on. but now i've made my decision. i don't want him in my life anymore. period. i just need to be strong. even so, it would be nice to meet him for the last time and tell it to his face. the pain is less like that. much less than the pain where i simply text him and say that i don't wanna see him anymore. i know how that feels, to be left like that. he did that to me and i wouldn't want to do it back to him. i belive in 'You get what you give'. i wouldn't want someone to do that to me again.

moving on. it's like a bitter vegetable. it doesn't taste good, but it's good for you. but unfortunately, sometimes we choose to eat candy, which may taste sweet but in the end, it will rot your teeth and hurt u.

the feeling is like getting a tooth pulled out. after the dentist pulls it, you’re relieved. But how many times do you run your tongue over the spot where it once was ? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because it was hurting you, doesn’t mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take a while, but it always takes some time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s still going to hurt.

"Ya Allah, tabahkan hatiku ini. Jauhkan dia dariku jika itu yang terbaik untukku"

amin .

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