moi, the writer

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We all have stories we will never tell. These are the ones i will
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imaginary boyfriend

meant to be posted on June 22nd

Happy Belated Birthday Lee Min Ho (Gu Jun Pyo) who in fact has been my imaginary boyfriend for months now haha. please don't stop being so friggin ADORABLE ! :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


when a man cries

so yeah today i went to HUKM to take my Entrance exam to do medicine. i didn't know that to be a doctor i had to do an exam full of ridiculous physics and chemistry calculations - minus a calculator to be exact. so just imagine how dreadful it was -_____-" a hundred q's in 2 hours.

*i don't wanna talk about it

after the whole exam thingy, i dragged myself down to mummy's office which was of course, in front of the mortuary. yeah i know it's kinda freaky but people think it's a cool job. well i don't, due to the fact that i wanna save people, not cut open dead bodies.

because mummy was in the middle of supervising medical students, i waited outside, next to the body retrieval area where family members and friends waited to be called for identification of the dead body.

one thing that caught me was this chinese man. i think he didn't see me because he walked away from other people but walked near me, leaned against the wall and cried his heart out. to be honest, i've never seen a man cry that hard. it broke my heart in a way, that i had a sudden urge to go and hug him. but no of course i didn't. now that'll be weird cuddling to some random person.

no matter who he lost today, it was undoubtedly someone who he really loved and cared for. someone he would never expect to leave so soon. by the way he cried, he seemed unready to let go. he got away from a crowd and cried his heart out. i just hope he can sleep tonight though it may be hard.

i've never lost a family member or someone dear to my heart and frankly i'm not ready yet. i'm a sucker to letting people go. even in my past relationship, it took me almost 2 years to let go. and that wasn't even a death !

so i hope that i never stop counting my blessings.


alex turner's country

oh demmit i can't wait for the 19th of july. 10 days of awesome shopping i suppose.

but jyeah i guess till then i'll have to dig into some books for tmoro's exam.
please please test, please be kind to me tomorrow.


wobbly jelly feet

the moment i hopped into mummy's car, coming back from work she handed me the interview and test schedule for the UKM twinning programme on monday and tuesday. And need i say that i was shaken. i have a 3 hour theory exam and i have completely no clue what the questions are based on. i mean c'mon- 3 hours? thats like doing my finals. i just hope that this exam won't be as hard due to my brain which has been dysfunctional these past few months, apart from naming cookies and chocolates which is like easy peasy to me now

so i'm thinking of doing a bit (alot) of studying especially on biology and chemistry. and of course do a bit of brain storming on medical terms with mummy. working at famous amos will help too i guess, since i get to brush up my EQ.

so here comes the sleepless nights, troubled thoughts, loss of appetite, rapid pulse, trembling hands - those typical manifestations of exam fear


british accent

when i was a kid, my mom said that i wouldn't admit that i was Malay. i would say
"i'm not Malaysian. I'm british"
well don't blame me, i was surrounded by British accents since i was two. look at me now, my grammar is plain dull and i've lost that beautiful accent. darn.

so i bought this book ; One Day by David Nicholls. about one third through the book, i found out that it's made into a movie starring Anne Hathaway. and she'll be faking a Brit accent. will she pull it off? i bet she will, she's perfect! and need i say amazingly pretty. j'adore !

i don't know when it'll be released in Malaysia, or will it even be released here. either way, i'm finishing the book. books are better than actual movies to me. books are original, illustrated by our own imagination.



i'm obsessed with Hell's Kitchen. but why does it take 8 seasons to finally air in malaysia. like, seriously?

and as for Raj, are you for real? i've never watched a cooking reality show, cracking up and laughing this hard haha

everyone should watch this. it's awesome


those days

the 90's was such a nostalgic decade. i remember wandering around the house with my blanket in one hand and then snuggling up in my bed, watching cartoons. cartoons back then were much much better than the cartoon nowadays.

so a few days ago me and izat (the new guy i work with at famous amos) talked about the cartoons we grew up with which was really fun to talk about, the fact that we watched and liked all the same ones. we also talked about Disney and Pixar movies. so yeah, it was kinda cool :)

here are a few favorites that always kept me singing along :


if tomorrow never comes

i hope it's not too late to say sorry to Amir Zainal Rashid's family for losing, i believe such a wonderful son. *al-fatihah* i hope he is placed among those with iman. i was meaning to write about his passing a few days back but i thought i'd write on something all-round about life too and since i know it would be a kind of lengthy post, i thought i'd write once i have some extra spare time, which is now i guess.

so this makes it the second friend i've lost. the first was Arwah Fauwaz, when i was in Form 1. we were in the same class and he was such a good kid. and really bright too. Maybe he was too good that Allah loved him too much. he died of Meningitis which i believe is an inflammation in the brain. my mom said the word 'itis' is a term for inflammation. like hepatitis; an inflammation of the liver- hepa is for liver. so okay nuff said of the biology terms.

However Amir, he died of bone cancer and also kidney failure. i referred to my mum, what does bone cancer have to do with kidney? was it the chemo or something. she said it was cos of metastasis *i think this is what she said, i'm not familiar with the term*. she said that bone cancer really spreads fast to bloodstreams and organs. the saddest part of losing them is that they are so young. i mean, imagine what they could contribute to the world if they were still living and healthy.

imagine what the world would be like if children around the world were given a chance to live, getting cured from some kind of disease. sometimes, it's not that they can't be cured. it may be because of the lack of money to pay for medical bills. thats the one reason i'd like to become a dedicated doctor ; i'd like people to be given a chance to embrace and taste life.

to me, being successful isn't about being filthy rich. it's about sharing money you've earned from all the hardwork with the people you love. i've been turning down invites to join some lousy MLM groups because i don't believe in earning, or should i say "cheating" money that way. i'm not impressed at all when one of the member said he was going to get his Audi in a weeks time *barf*. be a man and go out and earn your own money, not by getting money from people that join your group. and what was the main purpose you joined the group? if i'm not wrong, you said you wanted to help your family, yes? then buy a friggin house or something for your mom and dad for goodness sake. instead you buy an audi and brag around town wearing a suit? oh come on. thats the diff between people that know how to value money. they put their family first in terms of spending

whenever i think of throwing things and not being able to finish my food, daddy always talks about how he would love to have my things or food when he was a kid. how grateful i am being given things more than i needed. and sometimes, he would help finish the food on my plate for me. my dad teaches me alot of things about valuing money and giving back.

i'd love to be able to give back to my parents someday, with the money i earn in the future. so i'll have to start kicking myself to work even harder than before, starting with my interview with Mara on the 20th and test on the 21st. i know i won't be able to give the world or even a mountain of money - i'll leave that to abang because i'm sure he's gonna be a filthy rich architect, but i'm dead sure i'll be able to keep them healthy and happy.

"having a chance to live is far beyond more valuable than all the money in the world"

and need i say more, thats the reason why i'd love to become a doctor. i'd be like superman going around and saving lives, okay exaggerate but hey- it is kind of similar. and of course, save young lives like amir's and fauwaz's.

**yesterday i found out that daddy bought tickets to go to the UK and France. i was ecstatic to the point where i cried. i haven't been there since i was 7. what a lovely birthday present. thankyou daddy i ♥ u :')

told ya it was gonna be a lengthy post :D



i need to pick up my lazy bum and start swimming
or jogging.
or just stop eating



yesterday after work, i had a tingly urge to watch a cartoon movie. so i digged through the piles of dvd's at home and found Madagascar 2. if only i could put into words the feeling of happiness i felt watching it. i have a little secret ; whenever i feel tired and stressed out, i watch cartoons that sing alot. sometimes it even gets to the point where i watch Barney. watching these, i feel that life is actually really simple where you can just dance in the rain, hug people and hold hands. oh but there's this quote that caught my attention, that somehow i never realized the last time i saw Madagascar 2

"Listen Moto Moto. You better treat this lady like a queen because you my friend, you found yourself the perfect women. If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect women I would give her flowers everyday and not just any flowers, okay? Her favorites are orchids, white, and breakfast in bed... six loaves of wheat toast with butter on both sides, no crust. The way she likes it. I'd be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend and I'd spend everyday trying to think of how to make her laugh. She has the most, most amazing laugh. Well that's what I would do if I were you."

now i have to face reality and get ready for work.